Sit on it

Because ever since that first time you played Road Rash you've really wanted a motorcycle, and a nunchaku, and someone to club with your nunchaku, buy yourself and your most-defenseless friend a RedShift Electric Motorcycle: the quickest, greenest, barely street-legalest urban bike on the planet, which pinky-swears it can get you from the Marina to your friend’s ironic Quinceañera-themed birthday in the Mission faster than any other vehicle in existence, two wheels or four.

Designed by four dudes with two Dartmouth degrees and one pro motorcycling career between them, the entirely electric RedShift uses a Monocoque aluminum chassis that's put together sans welding in Potrero Hill, boasts a solid power-to-weight ratio (40hp to 250lbs) for excellent hill-climbability, goes 0-60 in 4.5 seconds with an almost completely silent motor, and retains a charge that can handle about 50mi of urban use, 2hrs of off-roading, or 30-35mins of all-out racing, aka what your heart will be doing after even five minutes of urban use. Cooler still, the bike's also offered in a souped-up faster/ furious-er version (perfect for police officers who dislike horses) that features hard luggage storage, upgraded lighting, and a spare battery pack for iPhone/laptop/iPod/iTamagotchi charging.

Since production is going to be an exclusive 1000 bikes looking to ship at the end of 2012, pre-orders will be mandatory, but only require a right-now deposit of $200, a deal that just like Axle and Rhoda after you steal their nunchaku, is just completely off the chain.