Midtown's new bistro wants to French you

The Food Network gives you plenty of great ideas for home cooking, but actually attempting one of their TV chefs' recipes is more likely to get you Chopped from your date's black book than screwed. Let someone who's been on the channel make your next meal at La Mongerie, opening Monday.

Started by Next Food Network Star contestant & her partner, La Mongerie’s a French bistro/bakery/cafe with a cushy couch patterned with French newspaper & black/white/blue camo, as well as gold/crystal chandeliers, and mo' gold-framed stuff including two flatscreens, a tall mirror behind the black granite bar, and a b&w print of the Eiffel Tower's bottom, because with so much French stuff around, you get the point. Your early choices'll be cheesed-up breakfast sammies w/ either pork sausage, ham, or bacon on sourdough, biscuit, or bagel; there're also plates of pumpkin pancakes, chicken & waffles, shrimp & grits, and pastries like chocolate croissants, scones, and donut-/beignet-esque "benets", which we all know don't go well with Berrys. Go light for lunch on a lamb Mediterranean salad, paninis such as mac & cheese, Reuben, and shrimp scampi, plus afternoon sandos with beef (corned/roast/steak), adobo pulled pork, roasted duck, or the Banh Mi, which adds chili oil & cucumber along with sliced salami, ham, or turkey to a pork roll, and...oh, gross, Louie Anderson, how did you interpret that as an instruction to have sex with that roll?!?

Mornin' dranks include Tequiza espressos, au laits, Americanos, and more, while on the dessert tip they've got cupcakes (rum, sweet potato…), assorted cookies like apple Normandies, and tarts such as chocolate Napoleons, cream puffs, and Frasiers, also the episodes you'll be watching after that disastrous dinner left you without any Girlfriends.